Meeting Misha Collins

December 23, 2014

I got yelled at for taking this photo

Burcon 2014 was my first Supernatural convention, so I kind of went all out. A gold pass was out of my reach this year, so instead I splurged and bought all the photo ops I wanted. I got photo ops for Jared, Jensen, Jared AND Jensen together, Tamoh Penikett, Rob Benedict, Rich and Matt together, and Misha Collins. The only one I didn’t get that I wanted was Mark Sheppard, but I will get him next time.

A lot of people only came to the con for Jared and Jensen. I suppose, theoretically, I should’ve been most excited to meet them. And, don’t get me wrong, meeting them was magical and surreal and definitely worth the absurd amount of money I spent to go to the con. But the most memorable experience I had was my photo op with Misha Collins.

The Real Misha
The first thing I realized when I saw Misha’s panel was that the “quirky” Misha Collins everyone sees on the internet is not the real Misha. That version of him is basically a character he plays. The real him is way more like a “regular” guy, except there’s something …magical about him that I can’t really put my finger on. He seemed comfortable and unguarded, with an honesty you don’t often see in a convention setting.

adorpheus cosplaying girl castiel
The pre-meeting
The morning before my photo op, I got dressed in my girl!Castiel costume. I originally hadn’t planned to make a Cas costume for this convention, because I figured there’d be a ton of Cas cosplayers already. I actually wanted a Gadreel outfit, but when I went thrift shopping to look for a jacket or hoodie, I couldn’t find one that I liked. I did, however, find the perfect Castiel trench coat (if Cas were a girl anyways). I used a skirt I already had, borrowed a white shirt from my mom, and bought a tie when I was out and about in Hollywood earlier that week. The fishnets were actually from my Impala costume, but I decided to wear them for Cas too because I thought they would be cuter than wearing plain black tights as I had originally planned. The shoes are a pair of super beat up heels that I usually use for work.

When I got in line to get my photo op, I was super nervous. I felt like I needed to express to Misha how much I loved him, and I was scared I wouldn’t have time. I hadn’t been able to splurge (even further) on an autograph or meet and greet ticket, and I was wondering now if I’d regret it. I was hoping he would like my costume, but then I thought maybe he’s sick of seeing Cas cosplayers and won’t care. I looked in my hand mirror a million times to make sure there was no lipstick on my teeth because I don’t usually wear lipstick so I have no idea what I’m doing when it’s on my face. I took a photo of him with someone else on my phone (above) and the Creation Entertainment staff yelled at me which made me more nervous. I started to get worried that if I tried to talk to Misha before my photo I would get yelled at again. I was having trouble keeping my eyes on him, because looking at him is sort of like trying to look at a really bright light.

The meeting
Finally it was my turn to get my photo taken. As I stepped closer to Misha, I could feel my vibration raising to match his.

I was not prepared mentally for the reaction Misha gave me when he saw my costume. As soon as he saw me, he gasped as if to say “Oh my god…” He seemed almost overwhelmed with appreciation. He acted like he thought I was the cutest thing on Earth. I expected him to not even notice my costume, but he loved it!

I quickly decided there was no way I was not going to at least try to talk to him for half a second. I didn’t have a special pose in mind for the photo so I decided I was going to pretend I was asking for a pose and just tell him how much I adore him.

He said hello and I got close to him as if I were going to ask him for a specific pose. Somehow I summoned the courage to speak.

“I don’t really have a pose I want to do,” I confessed, “but I just wanted to say that I love you, you’re my hero, and you changed my life.”

He smiled and said thank you and quickly grabbed me by the shoulder. Before I knew what was happening, he had spun me around and we were both facing the camera. He held me against him as the photographer, Chris, quickly snapped our photo.

After our photo was taken, he shook my hand and said “it was very nice to meet you” before I was ushered away by the creation staff.

As I left the photo op room, I all of a sudden realized that I was crying. I joke about it, but tears of joy aren’t usually something that happen to me. I was shocked at my body’s response to meeting him and quickly ran to the bathroom to fix my make up.

There were two more days of the con left at that point. And all my other photo ops and the panels I went to were amazing… but to be honest, everything else paled in comparison to meeting Misha Collins.

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A runyon canyon miracle

November 13, 2014

Things over the past year have been really rough for me, as I have been adjusting poorly to living in the US again. After living for four years in what I consider to be paradise (London), adjusting to living in Hell (Boston) has been, shall we say, difficult. I’ve screamed (literally), I’ve cried (until I ran out of tears), I’ve been too busy at the bottom of my despair hole to update this blog (hi, I’m not dead). I’ve tried to accept living in Boston for the foreseeable future but there’s just something in me that screams “I don’t belong here and I need to leave ASAP”. There’s no opportunities, no fun, no culture, no good music scene, no sense of community anywhere, the absolute worst weather imaginable (yes, significantly worse than London), and everybody is rude as fuck. I realize how whiny this sounds, but if you spent over 4 years building a life in a place you love more than anywhere else in this dimension only to be forced back to your old miserable life for no good reason, you’d probably feel shitty about it too.

Since the UK government has deemed me unworthy of living in their country, my search for a new place to live has begun. I’ve narrowed down my list of potential places to live to the following locations: Portland, Atlanta, and Los Angeles. Right now I’m visiting LA to see if I’d feel comfortable living here, and also to go to the Supernatural convention in Burbank.

Now, let me backtrack for a minute. I don’t talk about spirituality or manifestations on my blog that much because it is my belief is that nobody cares. However, I do keep a synchronicity journal in Evernote to keep me motivated, or to keep me alive when I feel like leaving the planet. During my last recording session for my upcoming EP “Ice Queen”, one of the synchronicities I mentioned in my journal was that I manifested a dollar bill apparently out of thin air. I came out of the studio after a day of recording vocals, opened my car door, and there it was propped in between the brake pedal and the seat, a pristine dollar bill that was definitely NOT there before I got in the car earlier that day.

I didn’t think too much of it then because hey, maybe it was there the whole time and I just didn’t notice it. That seems pretty much impossible due to my penchant for scraping up any loose change that happens to fall anywhere in the car, and my tendency to keep my wallet as zipped tight as possible, but maybe, just maybe I was making it up.

seen in Runyon canyon

So anyways. I’m in Los Angeles now, against the advice of uh everyone back home, and despite the fact that work is absolutely livid at me for leaving them to do their own excel spreadsheets for a whole week. So far, the city isn’t wowing me as much as London did, but I have very little hopes of regaining the happiness I had in London. The first time I went to London, I went purely because I wanted to take a semester abroad, I knew virtually nothing about Britain and I was not an anglophile by any means. But from the time I landed on the ground there, I knew instantly I wanted to stay forever. I haven’t got that feeling from any other city (including LA) so I was still feeling kind of lost about where to move.

The place I’m staying is on North Fuller Ave right near Runyon Canyon, and my host mentioned that there was donation yoga in the park there every day. I LOVE yoga classes and I jumped at the chance to go. I planned my entire morning around going to do yoga in the park. I didn’t bring a mat with me on this trip because I was paranoid about my bag being overweight, but I decided to go anyway because I thought maybe the teacher would have an extra mat for me to use.

So this morning I woke up early, did a meditation, and then put on my workout clothes to go do yoga.

Before leaving for yoga, I took a ten dollar bill out of my wallet to donate to the teacher and put it in my hoodie pocket, choosing to leave my wallet at the apartment. The suggested donation was $5, but I only had 3 singles, 2 $20 bills, and a $10 bill. No 5 dollar bills, so I figured I’d just suck it up and give her the ten and let the extra five be a special thanks for letting me borrow a mat.

I went to the park, but, alas… the teacher didn’t have any spare mats. So I decided to go for a hike instead. Normally, hiking is really not my thing, but I figured I was there and god damn it I was going to do SOMETHING. To my surprise, the hike was glorious. If I move to LA, I’d love to live as close Runyon Canyon as possible so I can hike every day or do yoga every day. The views were spectacular, and it was certainly better than any hike I’d been on in Massachusetts. Additionally, I saw a really cool synchronicity in the form of a sticker that said “triple b” – one of my boyfriend’s nicknames.

Anyways, I went hiking for over an hour, just walking and reflecting on what to do about my life and thinking about things. Eventually I went back to the apartment I’m staying in, figuring I should get showered so I could go explore the rest of the city some more.

When I got back to the apartment, I reached into my hoodie pocket to retrieve the $10 bill I had got for yoga, to put it back in my wallet. When I pulled it out, to my utter shock, it was a $20 bill.

“How?” I thought. I was sure I had grabbed a ten, but I thought maybe I had accidentally grabbed one of the 20s by mistake. I grabbed my wallet and flipped through the money that was still in there to see if the ten was in there. But no, the rest of the money was still the same: three singles and two $20 bills. During my hike, the 10 had become a 20.

Now, I know this sounds completely insane. Laugh if you want. But there’s absolutely no way that I put a $20 bill in my pocket this morning. I deliberately flipped through the bills and I KNOW I chose a ten. I distinctly remember looking at two $20s, 3 singles, and the ten with it’s slightly different colors and picture of Alexander Hamilton’s face. I remember thinking $10 seemed like a lot for a donation but choosing it anyway. I remember receiving the ten from doing angel card readings over the weekend. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but it became a $20 bill when I went to put it back.

Maybe it was my willingness to give away $10 that manifested $10, I don’t really know. But if miracles can happen to me even at my lowest, they could happen for anyone else too, including you.

As for my moving situation, I still have to see Burbank, and I’m waiting for LA to prove itself to me… but in all honesty I’ll probably just end up wherever I end up.

Love and light–


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