Things over the past year have been really rough for me, as I have been adjusting poorly to living in the US again. After living for four years in what I consider to be paradise (London), adjusting to living in Hell (Boston) has been, shall we say, difficult. I’ve screamed (literally), I’ve cried (until I ran out of tears), I’ve been too busy at the bottom of my despair hole to update this blog (hi, I’m not dead). I’ve tried to accept living in Boston for the foreseeable future but there’s just something in me that screams “I don’t belong here and I need to leave ASAP”. There’s no opportunities, no fun, no culture, no good music scene, no sense of community anywhere, the absolute worst weather imaginable (yes, significantly worse than London), and everybody is rude as fuck. I realize how whiny this sounds, but if you spent over 4 years building a life in a place you love more than anywhere else in this dimension only to be forced back to your old miserable life for no good reason, you’d probably feel shitty about it too.
Since the UK government has deemed me unworthy of living in their country, my search for a new place to live has begun. I’ve narrowed down my list of potential places to live to the following locations: Portland, Atlanta, and Los Angeles. Right now I’m visiting LA to see if I’d feel comfortable living here, and also to go to the Supernatural convention in Burbank.
Now, let me backtrack for a minute. I don’t talk about spirituality or manifestations on my blog that much because it is my belief is that nobody cares. However, I do keep a synchronicity journal in Evernote to keep me motivated, or to keep me alive when I feel like leaving the planet. During my last recording session for my upcoming EP “Ice Queen”, one of the synchronicities I mentioned in my journal was that I manifested a dollar bill apparently out of thin air. I came out of the studio after a day of recording vocals, opened my car door, and there it was propped in between the brake pedal and the seat, a pristine dollar bill that was definitely NOT there before I got in the car earlier that day.
I didn’t think too much of it then because hey, maybe it was there the whole time and I just didn’t notice it. That seems pretty much impossible due to my penchant for scraping up any loose change that happens to fall anywhere in the car, and my tendency to keep my wallet as zipped tight as possible, but maybe, just maybe I was making it up.
So anyways. I’m in Los Angeles now, against the advice of uh everyone back home, and despite the fact that work is absolutely livid at me for leaving them to do their own excel spreadsheets for a whole week. So far, the city isn’t wowing me as much as London did, but I have very little hopes of regaining the happiness I had in London. The first time I went to London, I went purely because I wanted to take a semester abroad, I knew virtually nothing about Britain and I was not an anglophile by any means. But from the time I landed on the ground there, I knew instantly I wanted to stay forever. I haven’t got that feeling from any other city (including LA) so I was still feeling kind of lost about where to move.
The place I’m staying is on North Fuller Ave right near Runyon Canyon, and my host mentioned that there was donation yoga in the park there every day. I LOVE yoga classes and I jumped at the chance to go. I planned my entire morning around going to do yoga in the park. I didn’t bring a mat with me on this trip because I was paranoid about my bag being overweight, but I decided to go anyway because I thought maybe the teacher would have an extra mat for me to use.
So this morning I woke up early, did a meditation, and then put on my workout clothes to go do yoga.
Before leaving for yoga, I took a ten dollar bill out of my wallet to donate to the teacher and put it in my hoodie pocket, choosing to leave my wallet at the apartment. The suggested donation was $5, but I only had 3 singles, 2 $20 bills, and a $10 bill. No 5 dollar bills, so I figured I’d just suck it up and give her the ten and let the extra five be a special thanks for letting me borrow a mat.
I went to the park, but, alas… the teacher didn’t have any spare mats. So I decided to go for a hike instead. Normally, hiking is really not my thing, but I figured I was there and god damn it I was going to do SOMETHING. To my surprise, the hike was glorious. If I move to LA, I’d love to live as close Runyon Canyon as possible so I can hike every day or do yoga every day. The views were spectacular, and it was certainly better than any hike I’d been on in Massachusetts. Additionally, I saw a really cool synchronicity in the form of a sticker that said “triple b” – one of my boyfriend’s nicknames.
Anyways, I went hiking for over an hour, just walking and reflecting on what to do about my life and thinking about things. Eventually I went back to the apartment I’m staying in, figuring I should get showered so I could go explore the rest of the city some more.
When I got back to the apartment, I reached into my hoodie pocket to retrieve the $10 bill I had got for yoga, to put it back in my wallet. When I pulled it out, to my utter shock, it was a $20 bill.
“How?” I thought. I was sure I had grabbed a ten, but I thought maybe I had accidentally grabbed one of the 20s by mistake. I grabbed my wallet and flipped through the money that was still in there to see if the ten was in there. But no, the rest of the money was still the same: three singles and two $20 bills. During my hike, the 10 had become a 20.
Now, I know this sounds completely insane. Laugh if you want. But there’s absolutely no way that I put a $20 bill in my pocket this morning. I deliberately flipped through the bills and I KNOW I chose a ten. I distinctly remember looking at two $20s, 3 singles, and the ten with it’s slightly different colors and picture of Alexander Hamilton’s face. I remember thinking $10 seemed like a lot for a donation but choosing it anyway. I remember receiving the ten from doing angel card readings over the weekend. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but it became a $20 bill when I went to put it back.
Maybe it was my willingness to give away $10 that manifested $10, I don’t really know. But if miracles can happen to me even at my lowest, they could happen for anyone else too, including you.
As for my moving situation, I still have to see Burbank, and I’m waiting for LA to prove itself to me… but in all honesty I’ll probably just end up wherever I end up.
Love and light–